Calipari Tenure Literal Snooze-fest One Week in

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. – John Calipari is boring. Like watching grass grow, or in this case grass mowed, deeply boring.

That's not a slight. It's not even a bad thing. It's just true of the new Arkansas basketball coach.

How could anyone not be boring after a half decade of covering Eric Musselman and his 10 month old chihuahua on speed approach to literally everything? This time of year was always especially taxing as journalists covering the Razorbacks because of his frantic, take a shot at anything that moves 1980s video game style approach to the transfer portal.

Seconds after a player would put his name in the hat, word would come down literally within seconds, at most a few minutes, that he had been contacted by Arkansas. There were at least 10 new players each day who required keeping an eye on because of the constant shell game Musselman had going on in the transfer portal.

Not with Calipari. Things have been slow. Deliberate. Sleep inducing.

So much so that the YouTube algorithm on my home TV picked up on it yesterday. It knows I cover the Razorbacks, so every yahoo with a podcast talking everything from SEC sports to brown sugar bacon gets shoved in front of my face like I'm a toddler being forced to try various foods for the first time.

However, a sudden change happened yesterday. YouTube figured out Musselman is no longer the coach, and, out of nowhere, autoplayed a sped up video of a man mowing and cleaning up an overgrown lawn for an hour.

It kept going. A channel called SB Mowing locked itself in and for the next several hours, videos viewed by millions of people played yard after yard being mowed with an occasional power washing video by the same guy sliding in to break things up.

Before long, my daughter came home and found me fast asleep on one couch and her husky chasing rabbits in her dreams on the love seat. The constant drone of lawn mowers, weed eaters and leaf blowers had put us both into a borderline coma.

Later that night during dinner, she told my wife seeing me passed out while lawn work played out on the television was the most generic dad thing she's ever seen. There's no way that happens under a Musselman regime.

Six offers, two on-campus recruiting visits and a player sent packing on a horse would have gone down while I slept. But not with Calipari.

In his first week on the job he caused a slight stir with the irrational side of the fan base because he wore a blue suit while watching players at an Overtime Elite workout, quietly brought in European big man Zvonimir Ivisic from Kentucky, and supposedly reached out to maybe a couple of guys in the portal, although the latter isn't 100% for certain because he keeps things close to the vest rather than hanging a giant neon sign every time he has a brief conversation with a potential recruit.

It will be an adjustment trying to figure out how to read a Calipari recruiting process. Right now it has the feeling of slowly building a great road that is going to stand up to time and heavy traffic instead of the quickly thrown together roller coaster at the state fair feel to which Arkansas fans have become accustomed.

Players will come. Eventually. There is a whole roster to build, so announcements will come often in due time.

However, the pattern appears to be there won't be the frenzy of speculation like in years before. There will likely be a player announcement out of nowhere and that will be that.

So, kick back and relax. Go enjoy a little fishing or dip into that honey-do list without much fret of missing anything.

Meanwhile, there's a pair of side-by-side houses with massively overgrown yards that need cleaning up. Looks like there's a lot of poison ivy too.

Good thing there's plenty of time to find out how this one's going to unfold. I'll bet by the time it's all over, this SB Mowing guy will have things fully restored and back in order in the most mundane way possible. Just like Calipari probably will with Arkansas.

Now, please excuse me. The dog and I could both use a nap on this boring Thursday morning.

HOGS FEED:

• Razorbacks in desperate need of veteran linebacker depth from transfer portal

• Where does Arkansas land in proposed college football super league?

• Early homers, depth of bullpen secure sweep over Raiders

• Subscribe and follow us on YouTube
• Follow allHOGS on X and Facebook